Thanks Keith, but of course there are very few political jokes left in the UK......now most of them have been elected
Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
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Thanks Keith, but of course there are very few political jokes left in the UK......now most of them have been elected
I passed wind in a lift today...it was wrong on so many levels.
A lot of people call me a hypochondriac... which hurts.
I was standing in the park thinking why do Frisbee's get larger the closer they get...then it hit me.
My wife and I decided we don't want children....if any one does we can drop them off tomorrow.
My father was a man of few words I remember he said to me "son...
I was addicted to rolling in pig manure...I've been clean for 2 years now.
A lot of people call me a hypochondriac... which hurts.
I was standing in the park thinking why do Frisbee's get larger the closer they get...then it hit me.
My wife and I decided we don't want children....if any one does we can drop them off tomorrow.
My father was a man of few words I remember he said to me "son...
I was addicted to rolling in pig manure...I've been clean for 2 years now.
A Frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. he can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a rolling stone."
"Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a rolling stone."
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Groan:shocked::stunned:
Oh - My - God. We've reached a new low in the Paddock.
No way.....Dave W the master of terrible jokes has retired, but he still posts on facebook there are many much lower to come
Thank you Marcus, but are you sure you are German, everyone knows Germans don't have a sense of humour
Another brilliant one for Pete Marcus Keith and others 
Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a
Deep coma.After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees
That she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her
Baby.The doctor replies, "You had twins; a boy and a girl!
The babies are fine now, but they were poorly at birth and had to be
Christened immediately. Your brother came in and named them."The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not MI brother!
He's a clueless simple minded imbecile "Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's my daughter's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.The new mother is totally relieved.
"Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother, I Like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew".
Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a
Deep coma.After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees
That she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her
Baby.The doctor replies, "You had twins; a boy and a girl!
The babies are fine now, but they were poorly at birth and had to be
Christened immediately. Your brother came in and named them."The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus no, not MI brother!
He's a clueless simple minded imbecile "Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's my daughter's name?"
"Denise," says the doctor.The new mother is totally relieved.
"Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother, I Like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew".
Most Americans won't get that joke due to the vagaries of the English idiom vs. American.
In the USA, "Hire Purchase" is called "Rent-to-own".
With that context, the joke is hilarious. Without it, it's just puzzling.
Fortunately I'm an Anglophile who has spent quite a bit of time over there so I can translate for the rest of us. :thumbsup:
That´s news to me...can our friends from the US confirm?
The Postillon: Wall between USA and Mexico restricted to height of 2 inches due to budget constraints
The Postillon: Wall between USA and Mexico restricted to height of 2 inches due to budget constraints
Hahah!
That's called a 'joke'. Here is another article from the same publication.
http://http://www.the-postillon.com/2017/04/uk-to-dig-huge-moat.html
Hahah!
That's called a 'joke'. Here is another article from the same publication.
The Postillon: UK to dig huge moat along EU border
The Romans used this wall between England and Scotland to try and control immigration, smuggling and customs, sounds familiar, no doubt all with the same ultimate outcome
