Jokes anyone? -

Larry L. · May 28, 2016

wbmusarra · May 31, 2016

New OBAMA Jobs Program:

The official Pecker Checker:

WHO WILL PAY THE PECKER CHECKER?

I have one very important question about the whole anti-LGBT bathroom legislation!

Who will pay the Pecker Checker? And how much money will a Pecker Checker make? Do we pay a Pecker Checker by the pecker?

One more question! How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a Pecker Checker can check peckers?

And will women have to wear a Vage Badge? Will we have to hire a Vage Badge Hag?

If things get out of hand, so to speak, we can hire PC Restroom Services! Their motto? If you gotta pee, we gotta see!

Nick Brough · Jun 22, 2016

I have just heard that none of the England football team will be voting in today’s EU referendum.

Apparently they can’t even find the box let alone put a cross into it.

marcus · Jun 23, 2016

Forget about your Diesel and E-cars:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OBAP_VMJGE

tractorboy · Jun 23, 2016

Brilliant Nick. Apparently you watched their recent debacle against Slovakia.

Nick Brough · Jun 23, 2016

tractorboy said:
Brilliant Nick. Apparently you watched their recent debacle against Slovakia.

I did, but don't worry we are just trying to lull opponents into a false sense of security

If we vote to stay in the EU we might even have a chance looking at promise number 4 from the Germans.

"Dear Britain, if you stay in the EU...

We will acknowledge the Wembley goal.
We won't make any more jokes about Prince Charles' ears.
We won't wear sun cream on the beach in solidarity with your sunburn.
We will go without our goalkeeper at the next penalty shootout to make it more exciting.
We will introduce tea time, with buckets on the beaches of Majorca.
We will willingly provide the villain in every Bond film.
We'll start "ticking" like you and put our clocks back by an hour.
We'll put through an EU directive which forbids foam on our beer.
We'll reserve sun loungers around the pool for you with our towels.
Jogi Löw will guard your crown jewels.
We will come to your Queen's 100th birthday."

Larry L. · Jun 24, 2016

I sure didn't see THIS ONE coming!!!

"A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says..........................................“You.”

Larry L. · Jun 24, 2016

Nick Brough · Jun 26, 2016

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It does more than the normal one
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's sixty k's an hour" it says
"And you're doing sixty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
It lists those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed

delaneyp · Jun 26, 2016

Not too PC, but what the ...

<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w

unctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w

oNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-AU</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w

ontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w

ontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--> I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.
This fat, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my bum and said,
"You're kind of cute; you gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah. You gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I gotta pen."
I said, "You’d better get back in it before the farmer misses you!"

Janner: "Give me three packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, Sir?"
Janner: "Nah… she's pretty good looking."

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and a haircut, you'd
look alight."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there,
instead of you."

I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really?" she said, "Go on then... _try._"
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and
said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

I went to the bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

MHNCO · Jun 26, 2016

When are cars most likely to get flat tires?

When there are forks in the road!

Big-Foot · Jun 26, 2016

Good one Mike!

tractorboy · Jun 28, 2016

Jokes anyone:

England's national football team!

Malcolm · Jun 28, 2016

tractorboy said:
Jokes anyone:

England's national football team!

Yup, but never saw that as part of the Leave campaign as part of exiting the EU.

flatchat · Jul 7, 2016

"The actual bachelor"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8t6XoxvW38

flatchat · Jul 7, 2016

Pizza problems --- explained ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkqg6HE888A

Keith1 · Jul 7, 2016

She's right you know......

Larry L. · Jul 9, 2016

Is she speaking English...........? :stunned:

Keith1 · Jul 9, 2016

Larry L. said:
Is she speaking English...........? :stunned:

Essex Larry. She is speaking Essex...

marcus · Jul 9, 2016

She voted for "Leave" :drunk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZO9JGSScMQ

Jokes anyone? -

Larry L.

Bill Musarra

Nick

Marcus

Jimmy P

Nick

Larry L.

Larry L.

Nick

Peter Delaney

Mike

Randy V

Moderator-Admin

Jimmy P

Malcolm

flatchat(Chris)

flatchat(Chris)

Keith

Larry L.

Keith

Marcus

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